Happy 4th Birthday to the little man who first stole Mama's Heart

We are camping today and are planning to celebrate Jack's birthday while we are at the coast! 

After we return we are having a Cars themed party with friends and the rest of the family. 

(I think that Jack's love language is Cars- Disney Cars that is) 

Oh, and green balloons because green is his favorite color and he will tell you that often. 

I honestly never knew that this kind of love could exist.
I am beyond blessed and humbled to be this boys Mama. 

I cannot believe it has been 4 years since I first held him. 

Happy Birthday sweet boy, you are my sunshine!

I never blogged Jack's birth story so I am going to indulge myself and do that now. That way, when I print this blog into a book I have it here as well as my journal.................

I was so very done. It was summer, it was hot and although I made Trevor turn the AC down to 62 degrees I was still uncomfortable (while he was donning socks, sweats and sweaters). I had felt him "drop" only a few days prior. It was extremely uncomfortable and there was an obvious physical difference in how I was carrying him. My OB confirmed this at my appointment and we scheduled the next appointment for the following week. I was 36 weeks so we would start seeing my OB every week now and I was excited. He said at this point, Jack could come any day and I was determined that be sooner than later!

Nearly there!

36 weeks 2 days: I walked Target and the Mall, moved some furniture and was seriously trying to get this kid out. I even drank a bunch of Raspberry Leaf Tea (now, some of you may say "well, that's what did it!" but I know many a woman who drank boxes of that stuff with no change and also it didn't give me contractions. I told my OB about the tea and he said it didn't cause me to go into labor early...especially since my water broke spontaneously )

The next day I was scheduled to walk Ashland and up and down the hilly streets with my best friend.

That night I couldn't sleep. I was lying in bed realizing I wasn't totally sure what I needed to pack for the hospital and so my plan was to print off a check-off list and tape it to the door into the garage so we could make sure we had it all. I fell asleep maybe around 2:30am. 

3:30am...GUSH. I was startled awake by my waters breaking. There was no mistaking what it was, I never once doubted. It was the craziest feeling ever. I jolted Trevor awake and then called the hospital. My water was clear so we were okay to take our time. Trevor jumped in the shower and I started packing the remaining items and called my parents. My sweet sister answered the phone and just knew. I told her we'd update them once we checked in.

At this point I wasn't having the typical contractions, my back was killing me (since he was early, he was still "sunny side up" or OP and I was told this is the hardest kind of labor there is...as if any kind isn't hard?!) It honestly was feeling like that kidney stone pain and I would hold onto the door and bend over wondering "why is this in my back?! is this labor??" I told Trev to get moving because I was hurtin'. After a few more warnings, we headed out. 

Trevor totally sped. We didn't need to, but the adrenaline and excitment was too much for him ha! We got checked in, answered the gazillion questions and then we headed for a walk around the hospital to get things moving. I was dialted to about a 3 at this point. 

After our walk, both sets of parents were there waiting for us, eager for what this meant! A first grandchild for my parents, and second for Trevor's. We were laughing and smiling and in pure bliss. 

I decided to get into the tub in my room, to help relax my body and it worked. I was calling my friend Helen who was out of town (darn her!) to let her know what was going on. Then I tried calling my friend Kathleen (who I was to go to Ashland with) and I couldn't talk through my contractions any longer. At this point I was still having horrible back labor and regular contractions. 

My OB came by, and checked to see that I was around a 4. I asked for an epidural (I was so afraid I'd wait too long!!) and he laughed. I was still talking and breathing through my contractions and so we waited. I hopped back in the tub, back out, moved around...Trev put pressure on my back etc etc. 

It didn't take long until I was crying and couldn't talk at all. My OB is the only OB in town who does his own epidurals, so I didn't have to wait for them to page an anishtealogist and I was so greatful for that. He popped right over from his office, and administered the perfect epidural. Immediate relife. I joked that if this was what it was like, I'd have 10 kids now!

I relaxed, and had a few visitors. My Mom braided my hair for me and we visited. I was given the tiniest bit of pitocin to make sure things stayed the course and soon after Trevor laid down to rest, I was fully dilated. 

I had the best nurses, and my OB is just amazing. I could feel the pressure of the contractions, but without the pain. She asked if I could endure it, and let my body labor down, I wouldn't have to push as much. So I did....I let my body do it's thing and while I could feel the intense pressure of each contraction I didn't feel the major pain that goes with it, so I felt very much in control. My OB had finished his work day, and was sitting in my room doing some paperwork and then, BAM! It was time to push. I was given such clear instruction, and again could feel the pressure, so I pushed very well. I did better with three shorter counts than the typical count to 10 push and I think I only pushed off and on for about 45 minutes (??)) and then in a blink of an eye I heard, "don't push!" and then out he came, screaming and slippery and they laid him right on my chest just like I wanted. I was crying. We were crying. First thing I heard was the nurse say, "He has a dimple!" and I just kept saying over and over again, "I love you baby"!

First Moment Together

Because I was 36/3 days they had the respitoraty therapists ready to go in my room. We all thought "how strange" since everything was going so well and beautifully, but I am greatful that is procedure. It was evident that Jack sounded funny while breathing. They had us skin to skin for about an hour thinking maybe that would settle him down, unfortuanatley it didn't. They were going to have to take him to the NICU. 

I literally thought my heart broke in two. Our family hadn't been let in yet because of wanting to make sure things were okay, and now here he was, being stripped from me. I wanted to nurse him, but because of his breathing issues that would have been a poor choice and although I didn't understand at the moment, it was the right call. 

They had Trevor go with the nurses, and I asked for only my Mom to come in. I sobbed. It was a guteral cry that shook my core. I was shocked, confused, angry. After awhile I was wheeled into the NICU. I could hardly see from the tears and my eyes being so puffy and what I saw was so hard to look at. My beautiful firstborn boy, hooked up to tubes and wires. It was too much. 

We were taken to the recovery wing where I got to work pumping. I pumped like a mad woman, beaming with pride at the drops of "liquid gold" Trevor would walk down for me. We requested that only donor breastmilk be used until my milk came in, and thankfully that wasn't long.

Jack's lungs just weren't developed yet, so they intubated him and coated his lungs with surfactant. Less than 24 hours later he was off all oxygen and breathing help. Next step was learning how to breastfeed, gain weight and get rid of the jaundice. He didn't have a great latch, so we sought the help of the nipple shield and it was the key. He ended up being in the NICU for a total of 7 days, most of which were spent dealing with jaundice. The last two nights (days) we actually got to room in with him, which was so lovely and usually they just do the night before you go home, but we had the best NICU nurse who fell in love with our little family (she actually got the be the twins nurse too!!) and we were spoiled.

After all his stuff was removed

The start was rough, and not at all how we imagined. The labor and birth itself was near perfect and wonderful. My water broke at 3:30am and I had him at 4:47pm that night. I loved it. I wish so much that he didn't need the NICU and our family and friends could have flooded the room after he was born, but I am so thankful we delivered where we did, and the help he needed was right there immediately.

Rooming In