Willing to be Broken

I have been broken in a thousand ways and yet I keep returning to the thing that breaks me.

There is something in this space that is holy and sacred and I'm undone. 

I was a resister for so long- why hurt, why sacrifice, why be burdened?
Why add more to our full plates, change our family dynamic and enter a system of utter chaos?

I'm good here, where I am. Thanks.
I'm being challenged, no doubt.
I'm giving monthly to sponser kids, I'm going on trips to third world counties for goodness sake.
I'm not ignorant to the needs around me.

I whispered
"I'm willing... you know.... to be used, God."

So often those are empty words.
They are meaningless because they come with an asterisk.
A hidden clause that says, "except for this"

Anything but_____ fill in your blank.
Maybe it's unknown but it's there because you resist and resist and resist. 

It's timing

It's space

It's finances

It's security

It's whatever 

People are doing awful things. People are caught in vicious cycles of addiction, abuse, poverty and illness and they do awful things when they are stuck. 

And then there are the children.

The ones we say "Don't you dare abort because that's a life and you'd be a murderer!!"

But when those children are born into the arms of addiction, abuse, poverty and illness- and where are those voices saying "Here... let me help you."

Where are the those voices when the Mothers cannot care for the life they gave birth to and deeply love?

Where is the
"Let me care for your children while you seek help"

"Let me link arms with you, and your brokenness and help you be your best."

Are there people holding signs that say:

Whatever you need- we will help you.
However long it takes. We believe in you.
We will hold your baby for as long as is needed or forever if that is what it takes.

If we are pro-life then we best be willing to stand in the gap when there is no hope and no answers and be willing to get some skin in the game. 

Otherwise our so called Christianity becomes a banner we wave instead of a lifestyle we live. 

I have never felt closer to Jesus than when I've been rocking a baby who's Mother is doing her fighting best to get him back and I'm weeping at the thought of him leaving along with a peice of my heart.

I've never felt nearer to the clear Biblical call to lay down my life for the sake of others than when I'm comforting a little girl who cries out for her Mommy and Daddy at night- unable to fall asleep unless my hand is touching hers.

I am broken. I am undone and isn't that what Jesus was for me?

Wasn't He wounded and crushed for me?

Wasn't it the broken that He became broken for?

“But He was pierced because of our transgressions, crushed because of our iniquities; punishment for our peace was on Him, and we are healed by His wounds.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭53:5‬ ‭

If I am to live like Jesus than wouldn't my life speak of brokenness as well?

And it's there again- plain as day....

 “I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me . . . I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me..." (Matt 25:35-40)

Ann says, 

       You just . . . can’t be afraid of a broken heart. And that what matters most is not if our love makes other people change, but that in loving, we change. What matters is that in the sacrificing to love someone, we become more like Someone. Regardless of anything or anyone else changing, the success of loving is in how we change because we kept on loving.

       Loving broken people when it is inconvenient is the way to have fuller inclusion in the life of Christ

So I will keep stepping into a hurting world allowing myself to break again and again.

My pride, my entitlement, my security, routine, all of it- broken again and again because all of this messy world is worth it.  

So I'm praying for others hearts to be broken...
I'm praying for others to be broken for the things that break the heart of Jesus and that more people would enter into a broken world and change lives.