Your heart skips and you hold your breath…
When a commercial comes on for a product that helps detect colon cancer and it’s filled with people who have white hair and are male…
When there’s an ad reminding you to get a colonoscopy if you’re over the age of 55…
When the news headlines include a famous person died from same type and stage of colon cancer you had after being in remission for a few years…
When you look in the mirror and you don’t recognize the person you see…
When you feel lost in the space between finishing treatment but not normal and you know the previous normal will never be your normal again…
When your child tells you he’s afraid every time you say you are tired, or don’t feel well, or your body hurts…
When you see your upcoming routine CT scan on the calendar…
When you dream about screaming at a friend who disappeared during your treatment asking them where they were…
When you miss the nurses who cared for you bi-weekly for 8 months…
When you identified as a cancer fighter but are now a survivor and you feel more alone than you did before…
When you rub your port scar because it itches…
When you see the tattoos on your abdomen from the radiation…
When you decide not to wear a shirt because your scar is so thick you can see the bump through it…
When you find the blue cow bell you rang on your last day of treatment…
When you hold your tongue instead of responding “you have no idea what tired actually is” when someone says they are…
When you see someone complain online about something and you think “But did you have cancer?”
When you wake up and realize it wasn’t just a bad dream.
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