I never have a day where the side effects from my cancer and cancer treatment don’t impact my life.
They are invisible to everyone, so unless I said something you wouldn’t know. And I rarely say anything.
You’d not know I was in pain or incredibly uncomfortable or doing my best to not trip or cut myself, or planning my entire day and night around access to restrooms and medication timing.
I’m lying awake right now when I should be sleeping because the neuropathy in my feet is so painful.
Imagine your hands and feet and legs with the static you feel when your foot is asleep and add to it numbness, shooting, stabbing and/or shocking pain, tingling and a burning sensation.
Imagine having to mentally focus on each step you take so you don’t trip and fall. It’s exhausting.
Cancer is a lonely battle but life after cancer is even more lonely because the trauma of it all coupled with life long side effects that no one else sees.
I will never be able to forget what I went through or even have it fade as a memory because every single day I feel it in my hands and my feet and my stomach and my heart.
LARS and Chemo Induced Peripheral Neuropathy are the trade off for being alive. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you some days it’s hard to see that as a positive.
There are no cures for either.
There is only my learning to adapt.
It sucks.
No bright side to this post.
Sometimes it just needs to live there.
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