Emotions

This post will be random. Just an instant stream straight from my brain........

Tomorrow will be Day 6 for my sis. 6 Days of being in the hospital. Today was a bit better...but not as much as we'd hoped and prayed for.

Gotta keep praying

When my sister was 3 she had a tumor on her adrenal gland. Causing all sorts of issues. I was getting ready to enter 7th grade. My parents took her to the Portland Children's Hospital for surgery. So they could focus on her and not have to worry about me, I stayed with some family friends for the week. I understood, it made perfect sense. But I also felt abandoned, that somehow my being there would be such a hindrance to them and I'd cause too much of an issue. But all I wanted to do was be near my sister. I wanted to see her be wheeled away, and see her right after she was done. I wanted to be there when they told my parents it wasn't cancer and take her balloons and make her laugh. We're almost 9 years apart....she was/is literally my baby sister. I prayed for her. I loved her. I hated being away from her.

Now here we are....15 years later and I again can't be with her. I understand. It's not worth the risk to me or my two unborn baby boys. The doctors have just said it's not worth it, I have to wait. But it's killing me. It's tearing my heart up. I cry at least once a day. I feel just like I did back when she was 3. Helpless.  Again, I don't argue with the facts or the common sense, but that doesn't make my heart feel any better.

My birthday is this week. We were going to have a nice family dinner, my choice. I think we're going to have to postpone that. That's okay, right now...it's not about me..(is it ever?! haha) But all I want for my birthday is my sister to be healthy and home. I want to be able to snuggle her and smother her with my hugs. And talk. And laugh and cry.

The boys are moving like crazy today. As week speak, one is bouncing on my bladder and the other is trying to make more room toward the top of my stomach :) It makes me smile.

There is STILL so much to be thankful for. I posted a week or so ago about how we got robbed last holiday season. And how this one would be different. I still believe that. It's not Thanksgiving yet. And she doesn't have an incurable disease. She will get better...it might take awhile...but she will. And we'll get back to celebrating like our family does.

Thanks for praying. Thanks for checking in and caring. I really appreciate it.