Boys are here...but then a curve ball.

Four days ago two little men arrived in this world and stole our hearts all over again. I'm not going to go over the whole story now....it'd be like 6 blogs worth :) But I hated the c-section that's for sure. He did amazing and I have no staples to take out....but my body did not like any of it.

So at 7:44am Mr. Camden Rhea entered the world butt first and eyes wide open!! :)  He was 5lbs 7oz and 19 1/2 inches long (which is disputed since we've gotten 3 different measurements but we're going with that) He is gorgeously mostly bald, and what hair he does have is white blonde. He has huge dark blue saucers for eyes and is fair skinned.


One minute later at 7:45am Mr. Christian Grant came into the world screaming and peeing on me :) He was 5lbs 4oz and 18 (again disputed but we're picking this since this is what they first called out) He has almond shaped dark eyes, lots of dark hair and seems to have a more olive tone to his skin.

We were told almost right away that both boys were fine and did not need to go to the NICU. We of course started crying tears of joy and relief. I was stitched up and we all headed back to the room together.

That whole day and the following 3 1/2 days were incredible. Friends and family coming to hold and love on our boys, both boys learning how to breastfeed, no sleep, lots of kisses and snuggles. The pain medication made me so sleepy but my mind wouldn't shut off. So over a 3 day period I was going on a total of about 6 hours of sleep.

Sunday night, the night before we were to head home they took the boys to the NICU to do their car seat tests. We decided to get some rest. Twenty minutes later they came in to tell us that Christian had failed his test immediately. So, yes we were bummed but we knew that car beds were an option if he failed again the next day. Thirty minutes later I was awoken from what felt like the sleep of the dead to the nurse telling me that Christian was being admitted to the NICU.

They decided to monitor him after he failed the test and found that his oxygen levels were dropping into the 80's and sometimes 60's just laying on a bed.
Camden passed his test and was brought back to our room.

I cried a cry so deep that it felt as if all the stitching from the surgery would break away and I would split open. Why? How is this happening? He was FINE at birth and had since had perfect check-ups from the pediatrician and nurses with no sign of any struggle.
Later that morning we met with our pediatrician to discuss what was going on. Christian has periodic breathing, which means his breathing slows down too much and sometimes requires a bit of stimulation to get it back up. It's not true apnea because he doesnt' completely stop breathing. He worsened over the first 12 hours and in addition to a small amount of oxygen being puffed into his nose, he had caffeine treatment which they hope will jump start his respiratory system. This is what we are praying for. He will be in for at least 10 days. He also had a high bilirubin test so he is under photo therapy lights.

Because they were both on the early side, we were finger feeding them in addition to breastfeeding just to get their weights up and nutrition up until they could be sustained on breastfeeding alone. Christian is a great breast feeder, which makes it all the harder to at this point have to go to pumping instead of breastfeeding.

We were thrown another curve ball when later in the day Camden's bilirubin level came back on the high side. We decided instead of waiting for it to worsen, which is most likely would have given his demeanor today and the fact that his is premature, we would admit him now just for photo therapy and get a head start. So Camden was admitted to the NICU this afternoon. Since his issue is just one of jaundice, he will be released when his levels are better and continue to improve.

We left the hospital today with no babies. Two empty car seats and hearts so sad. We know they are being well taken care of, and we know they are not SICK. They are early and they are acting their age. They just have to grow out of this stuff with a little help.

What's frustrating is why did we get 4 days before this? It feels like a cruel joke we were told. They were fine, no NICU and then the day we were to be released they admit them both. Four days of bonding and holding and loving and now they lay there with barely any human contact. It makes me so sad, and I feel like we abandoned them. Are they wondering where we are? Why we aren't holding them anymore? Why they aren't breastfeeding?
I feel upset because I know so many 36 week babies that were fine. No NICU time at all. Some of you are even readers of this blog. Why my kids? Why are my 36 and a half weekers struggling so much when others go home with no issues? It seems so unfair.

It was so good to come home to Jack today. If we didn't have him this would be so much harder. But he was ready for us to be home, and we were too. We'll go down as often as we can and I will continue to pump for them and when they are able we will breastfeed again along with finger feeds.

My prayer is that Camden will come home very soon and that his body will not relapse into a high level. That when he comes home he is home to stay.
My prayer is that Christian only needs this one dose of caffeine and after 10 days will be released with a perfect bill of health and nothing for us to be afraid of.
And that our hearts are healed. We just feel broken and exhausted beyond belief. My eyes are puffier than I've ever seen them and I'm so exhausted. My husband is functioning barely on auto-pilot and along with carrying the burden for his kids he sees me and is carrying my burden as well.

We just need your prayer. We need God to move quickly and that this time would fly by with no more blips in the road and no surprises. That soon we will all be home together.

Snuggle Bugs :)
Christian on the left and Camden on the right

First family shot minus Jack of course :)

First time holding them both...and wow do I look haggard.



Christian in the NICU and you would not believe how much this looks like Jack!



Camden in the NICU